"Be still and know that I am God"

During these times, God has been teaching me to be still and know that He is God.

When I had came to know Christ and reaffirmed my commitment to Him to be his follower, my first wanting is to please and glorify Him in my life (which God knows is NOT easy). And by God's grace, little by little the relationships around me are getting better. First, God fixed my relationship with my mom.

As I started attending biblical foundations in our church and reading the bible, I had always encountered verses about honoring our parents. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ' Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." Ephesians 6: 1-3 ESV. God convicted me about how I treat my mother (who lives with me). Being a "rebel" kid as I am who had always been independent since she left me when I was 13 to work abroad, it's really hard for me to obey God's command- Honor my mother. But by God's grace, with continuous prayers and obedience I was able to reach out to my mother with a humble, patient and forgiving heart. And the rest is happiness.

Now, I came to a point that I really want to learn something and experience something different from what I have right now. If you are in your mid 20's like me, there will come a time that you feel like there's something more to what you had always been doing (e.g. at one point you might have felt like leaving your good paying job to do something you love even you don't get anything from it). And I am no exception. I felt that last year. I had been praying to God to reveal to me what He wanted me to do to glorify Him. I asked, "Lord, what do you really want me to do? Do you want me to lead my band and write songs for you? Do you want me to be a nurse and serve your people? I'm clueless. What do you want me to do?"  And one Sunday service, God answered me through Pastor Peter's message as he talked about the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis.  Joseph is one of my favorite people in the bible. Pastor said that one way for you to know what God wants you to do is through your parents just as Joseph did when he was tasked by Israel to watch for his brothers. Then I thought about what my mother had always wanted me to do, "Go abroad."

Still, I prayed about it. Confirmation came and then another. Early this year, there's one thing that I asked God, if it's possible for me and my mom to both like where I will be going. And true enough, an opportunity came early this year. I hope God extends His patience and understanding on me as I continuously ask Him about this like an unbeliever would (I'm not doubting His provision rather I'm doubting myself sometimes that maybe I misinterpreted Him). Two months ago, God gave me the story of  Gideon (Book of Judges) telling me: I will send you, I will go with you; You can't fail (kinilabutan talaga ako nito). And when I told Him about my worries of leaving the band and the ministry I'm in, He told me: I will wait until you return. When God told me these lines, I was amazed how He made a way for me when I requested my documents from school and PRC. God made it easy for me. All praises to God!

And now, the money and other resources. I vowed that since this is what God asked me to do He won't let me resort to loan sharks and credit cards for this. After all "My God can do anything". Time is running out for me to take advantage of the slot and the dilemma I have is that we'll probably leave late July or early August but my heart wants to sing for the church's anniversary in August. I had asked help from very close friends and relatives who might be able to help but so far I got No's and "will get back to you". Still, God is continuously talking to me saying, "We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don't need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently)' Romans 8:24-25 NLT.  I really need that verse to comfort me because raising the amount that I need in two months is impossible unless God's with me on this. And even if you have faith you will tend to lose some of it when it's crunch time. And by God's grace, I was able to keep His promises in my heart and that I came to develop intimacy with Him by knowing who He is and what He has done for me and mankind. 

Last Saturday, one of my cousins asked me to check my bank account because she deposited a small amount (This cousin of mine originally said yes then no for a very good reason but still managed to lend me an amount which I know she also needs; May God bless her more!) And praise God for her! Lately, I had been getting positive responses from people. With less than a month to go, however I put it or whatever mathematical formula I use I can't find any probability of making it happen. I'm just trusting God for He is everlasting and ever faithful. And as a child of God, "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7.


And I pray that God will continue to give me a sensitive heart so that I will be able to humbly obey You. God, there may be times that I will feel frustrated about raising the funds and it is only by Your grace that I will be able to overcome all of these. Lord, lead me to your way so that I will be able to glorify you in my decisions in life. If you are not there, I won't go. For it's only in your presence that I will find rest and be confident. In Jesus' name, my Lord and personal savior I ask. Amen