Friday, March 28, 2014

So blessed!

I'm just soo blessed and honored be finlly serving my own dgroup. Lord, you are amazing! You wwalked me through.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

To You Who Keep On Popping Up Without Any Hint Of Possibility

Hi there!

     I realized I have not come across your page or even you in my thoughts. But I find it weird that whenever I decide to be single, your face, name and even your father's name shows up from nowhere. No. I'm over it. I've resolved the fact that there's no way that you and I will be a possibility.

      I know you but you don't know me. And I will never make any move to talk to you or meet you. I want God to make wonders in my love story whoever he may be and since I find you ideal for my list it will not be fair if I make a move to at least initiate the talk (at least for me).

      You are too good for me. Although I know God knows how to give good gifts to His child, you are unbelievably an answered prayer if indeed you are.

       I may not be the woman that you had been praying for. You may have someone else in your heart or prayers. But it's none of my business. Still, I am avoiding the thought of you for my own good too. I want to be pure in my thoughts if God willing my godly husband comes -- whether it's you or not. I want him, whoever he is, to have my thoughts and prayer.

       I am writing this because I should be writing something else when your name suddenly appeared as I typed something to search in youtube. And for some reason my heart skipped a beat. Sigh. I should be typing about my victory (which I really hope I can share next time).

      I pray that you will soon find what you had been praying for. That God grant the desires of your heart and that you continue to be faithful in your walk with God and glorify Him. I pray that if you are not for me that I won't see you until I get married (even your photos or your name or similar name as yours). I pray that if you re not for me that God will guard my heart and mind and not to think of you. But if you are otherwise, I pray that God will guide me to be a woman who loves Him more than you and who will seek Him. That I will be pleasing to God all the days of my life. That God will protect you from any harm and temptations and that you remain faithful in your walk. In Jesus'mighty name. Amen.


** I don't even know why I am writing this but I wrote it anyway.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Wait a minute

There's something about wedding that amuses me. Probably the preparation before the big day, how these couples came up with the idea, their reason for this and that, their wedding concept and theme and of course come the big day their vows. Medyo usisera lang ang peg pero nahihiwagan pa rin ako kung paanong nangyayari yung ganun. I guess, aside from it's God's doing I'll only know when I experience it myself. That is if God willing, I will. :)

Years ago, I looked forward to it. That moment when you are just so in love with another person and you just talk about plans yaddha yaddha. Growing up with fairy tales where there are pincesses and princes getting married and live ever after, there's an excitement that makes one look forward to experiencing her own ever after. I don't know about others but I used to have that excitement until I started listening to couples who take their marriage seriously. Seriously, it's not something that I had considered.

I'd been praying to God to be married because I want to have my own and raise god-fearing offspring together with my godly husband. But when I processed my prayer request from years ago, I asked myself, am I really ready to be married? Am I ready? Am I?

Am I ready to...
  • submit to a man and do the duties of a godly woman?
Shocks! Submission palang di ko na matapos isulat ang kasunod. Lord, wait lang.

Friday, February 14, 2014

When confort doesn't go along with change

It had been days of sad news, if not for most of my friends in facebook, at least for me. Loved ones passing. Rumors spreading around causing people to speculate and out of fear or readiness decides if not planning to update their resumes. And when you're part of the situation most of the time you find it difficult to say something, well, hopeful. (And when I thought I can find one, my favorite team Ginebra lost. Oh well, that's another story.)

It's never easy, really. I had the opportunity to experience both which made me a better person. I had the role of providing comfort in my calls everyday whenever things do not go their way or there's nothing that I can really do for them. There were times that I couldn't find the right words to say and most of the time the trick is just to listen and let them vent. You realized that all these people need is someone to listen. Then when you thought listening is difficult thing to do, wait til you experience it first hand - much more difficult, "and more".

About this time last year, I was hopeful. Very hopeful and expectant. I thought, what could go wrong with what I had planned? I mean, I prayed about it - a LOT. I fasted and prayed for it. I worked hard for it. I have a supportive supervisors and friends. What could possibly go wrong with my promotion that was just a month to go? You see, I had established my call flow, followed my supervisor's coaching and there's nothing wrong about my desire! In my mind, once I get that "rank" there are more doors of opportunity for me. I can really define a "career" and climbing up the ladder like most people aspire. There's nothing wrong with what I planned, with what I wanted.

The things that went wrong

Plan. Focus. But there's something that I didn't forsee -- CHANGE. CHANGES. Which I was not ready. I didn't plan to be ready for it. As the month that I look forward to unfolded, my supervior had to be replaced by another since she was tasked to train new hires while the replacement can only stay for a month or two to take another job. New boss meant  I need to adapt to another coaching style. As I was about to, our team had to be dissolved and would be distributed to other teams.  I was given to a team where I have a slim chance of getting the morning shift to die for (I work in a BPO company where our account bids shifts based on your team's attendance). What about morning shift Lord? What about the ministries? What about our band's gig? Series of unfavorable events led me to ask God, "What about this and that Lord?"

As I process the situation, I thought I still have one left, THAT "rank" that I was praying about. Maybe because He took me out of my comfort zone, He would give me this to cheer me up. Hehe! But to my surprise, the adjustments that were made didn't go my way. All of the changes went against my stats. I found myself sighing one night as a went home from mid shift. "Lord, when it rains it pours and now it floods."

I almost gave up but I can't. I just can't.

The days that followed felt like dragging myself to work. I bribed myself just for me to be convinced that I needed to stay. And it was good that I allowed myself to be convinced 'cause I'm gonna be in trouble when the bills come! Everyday, I asked God why? Everyday it hurt because I prayed for it. I prayed for it REAL HARD but I didn't get it. And as it hurt, I kept telling Him,  "Lord, I don't understand why these things are happening. Why things do not seem to go my way but I trust in You. I believe that You are sovereign and You know what's best for me. I don't undertand the "why's" now but I trust in You."

I remember in one of our Sunday services, I was reminded by,

For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.  Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
                                                                                    Matthew 7:8-11 ESV
As I process it in my quiet time, I realized it's a better reason for me not to give up than just it pays the bills. Whenever I remember how frustrated and dissappointed I am, I was reminded by this truth, "If I believe that God is good and that He is my Father and that He loves me, will he not give it to me if it will be good for me? And if it's good why will He not give it to me?" Maybe it's not yet time for me. Maybe I am not yet ready. Maybe here. Maybe there. but I was assured by these:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,  
 neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,  
 so are my ways higher than your ways 
  and my thoughts than your thoughts."

 Isaiah 55: 8-9 ESV

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[b] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. "

 Jeremiah 29:11-14 ESV

With promise such as these, I just can't give up. I just can't update my resume and submit it to other companies when God has not confirmed anything for me than trusting in Him ( Thank God for Baruch's life).

Fast forward and Answer to my "Why's?"

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who areB called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28 ESV

By God's grace, I was transferred to another team with better chance of getting morning shift, good ol' friends and my mommy Beth and more around August. The supervisors whom I had for the last four years had always been supportive and understanding. And come shift bid, I got back to morning shift (after months of mid shift) which was totally unexpected since we where 4th to pick (God's abundant grace at work!). I had better scores.
I was able to get favorable schedule epecially when I voluntered in our Single' Leadership Conference last November and more. When I look at what He had provided in exchange of what He took from me, I realized I was blessed even more.

When 2014 started, I got transferred to another team and supervisor (Another God's abundant grace at work). I got an all time low VOCM -- the lowest in my team. But this time, I was prepared. I am ready. I am ready not for the change but READY to Trust God for whatever changes that will happen. And as I remind myself to trust God through Jesus who strenthens me, God had encouraged me by this time turning the changes in my favor! And the bonus is I now understood the why's of last year.

If I got the "rank" last year, I may never keep my what I have right now - work schedule, flexibility etc. If He gave it, I could have had the glory for myself but since He didn't, the glory is ALL HIS. I am enjoying more time at home and friends. More time to study His word (By God's grace I attending BSF, which is one of the items I prayed last prayer and fasting week) and God willing to fulfill His purpose for me - to be a servant-leader (By God' grace).

I don't know where you are right now. Maybe you are experiencing CHANGES in your life right now. Maybe you lost someone so dear to you-- a friend or family member. Or lost your job or something important to you. Had broken up with someone just before Valentine' day or you are on a difficult situation where you cannot imagine how this will ever be resolved or stop.  My friend, I have good news for you. God cares for you sooo much that I have to rent a PC just to share this to you because He knows that You need to know He loves you. You need not to know the 'why's right now but ask God to tell you how you can overcome this. He's just a prayer a way.  You may not be able to relate to my post but I know God wants you to know that Jesus is all that You need RIGHT NOW. He can give you not what you want but what you need "and more".

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ESV

Thursday, October 31, 2013

beautiful distraction

Your familiar face is a beatiful distraction to me. If I will let myself swim in my thoughts, I know I will lose the best that's saved for the right time. It could be you or it could be not.

If it's you, let the burden be on you. If it's not,be burdened by the right one

Lord, you know myheart'sdesire.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

My September

It's been awhile since I wrote something here. Although I managed to write in my other space, time and internet availability was not enough.

September is a very memorable month for me. First, it was when my lola Nita was born. Second, when I had my first gig with my band (then known as Garlic Project until we changed the name to ProxyPrexy) and third, it's when I fully surrendered my life to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (9-11-11).

March was a disappointment to me for it was the last month I needed to get my promotion but was when my faith was tested too. Changes occurred.  New boss, new culture and new challenges. Little did I know that this is the start of God's new lessons.

April came to my delight. By God's grace, He allowed me to serve in the kids' ministry for the DVBS at the same time blessed me with a great score at work.

May, June, July were the toughest months I've encountered. These were the days when my prayers seemed left unanswered and I felt like giving up. God gave me Jeremiah 45 and Isaiah 55 to comfort me.

August was the confirmation of what I prayed for. August 3rd, my new baby was born! It came out of nowhere while I was in the shower. The melody coupled with lyrics just went out of my mouth and in a span of two days, it's a song ready to be jammed with the band. Praise God for Ecclesiastes which was the book I was reading that time. Two weeks after came one song after another. There came W.A.I.T which was blessed by Proverbs 30:19. It had been a year or so that I had been struggling to write songs. I wrote one but it took months for it to be completed.

And here you are September! I pray that God's hand will be upon me as I live every day of you. May God's promises be fulfilled in your time. May your everyday be used by God to hone me as a Christian who truly lives on His Word and prepare me to feed His sheep. May your nights be of safety and health; your days be of renewed mercies and grace. In Jesus' mighty name.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

2013: Expecting God's reward

Two weeks to go and we'll finally say "goodbye" to 2012 and "hello" to 2013. And I thank the Lord for the a wonderful 2012 I am having. I'd say that this year had been a great transition to my being intimate with God. This has been the fulfillment of those I longed for in 2011. 

  By God's grace I was able to join Epraise last year and this year was a fulfillment of my prayers. I only longed to sing in a wake but God made me sing in the overflow during Sunday morning services and sing for special church celebrations. It's indeed a blessing and honor to serve God as in return I gained more friends, free GLC 2 sessions (hope to still enroll next year) and grew closer and got more intimate with Him.

Care group
   Indeed, God uses even bad situations for His glory. After a bad call I had, I met a fellow believer in the locker room and chat a bit. That's when we first thought of meeting with another believer and talk about God and study His word. By God's grace, the group grew from three members to six. God willing, will continue to meet despite our different schedules til God's coming (yeah! amen!). through our care group, I learned more about Him, His love, accountability meant on a body system perspective and gained more friends. 

  Yes Lord! Finally, I was baptized last Nov 25 during B1G 8 Singles Retreat. It was a prayerful journey. After my baptism class last year, it had been my desire to publicly declare that I am God's and Jesus Christ follower. God indeed made a way for me (will post in the future). God, I AM is yours!

   I thank God that the church I go to is very intentional in teaching God's word especially in developing intimate relationship with God. Through this year's series, I learned a lot about my faith and relationship with God. I guess this is what true love really meant. Every day is a day of blessing and struggle (to stand up for Jesus's teachings). And each day, by God's grace, I am triumphant through Jesus Christ who overcame the world. God has always been gracious in allowing me to experience how it's like to have a husband through Him. (Never felt sooo "kilig" than His moves on me.)

I confess, my 2012 with God had not been easy. There were really tough times. Struggles. Pruning. Crying. Wrestling. There would be times that I can't help but cry while saying "Lord, ang hirap naman magpaka-kristyano!"  And this year I learned three things: (1) Ask God to reveal Himself to you and you will know Him as you never did before (2) Trust in God's word and promises (3) Complete obedience. 

My prayer is that for the year to come, God will continue to reveal Himself to me and be with me as I run the race until I see Him face to face. May He continue to graciously give me wisdom to discern His will; teachable, humble and courageous heart; utmost desire to follow and obey His Word and be used in full for His glory. And each day that I encounter difficulty, I pray that He remind me that this is part of his wonderful plan for me to prosper and that the more difficult things get, the greater the reward for His glory. It had been my utmost desire to be married to a godly man, if He wills it (though I know in my heart it will happen), but until He says so, I would like to learn how to fall in love with Him deeply. In Jesus' name, my savior, I ask.